Feeling a lot Better, but.....

i am still getting heartburn everynight. it only goes away when i take pepcid. my throat started to hurt this weekend. it is a side effect of the adriamycin. no white patches though. i actually was able to eat a bit more tonight then last night. we actually had steak and potato salad, and macaroni salad. macaroni and watermelon seem to be better on my stomach. i have already lost ten pounds.

this week, there is no chemo, next monday is my next round. adriamycin and cytoxan. i will be asking for a different nausea med. reglan didnt agree with me. it made me feel funny. my temperrature has been holding at normal numbers. suppose to checjk it everyday at the same time. if it goes above one hundred degrees, i need to go to the hospital.

thank you everyone, please continue to send prayers up to our higher calling. remember archangel raphael, he is the angel of healing......

love you guys. good night for now
jenn

Feeling Tired

just want to let everyone know how i made it through my first treatment. monday was ok, tuesday, i had an appt with the surgeon, wed was a bbaadd day. i had a spurt of energy around ten am. i swept a little part of the floor, vacuumed the stairs. omg, felt like i was in a tornado and could not get out. just to get up to go pee, felt like a ton of lead on my chest.

seriously, inside a tornado........

only a little nausea, not too bad. i am hungry, but nothing is really appealing to me.....i requested spaghetti tonight. the most i have eaten besides life cereal and cucumber, honeydew melon. cutting watermelon tomorrow.

abby and zach are doing great. thanks to debbie white, zachs daycare. she has been a blessing for us. the best daycare around.......definitely.... abby helps me and then helps her mimi too.

thanks everyone for the prayers, flowers, visits..... just keep praying.

this week is over, i have only  three more hard treatments of adriamycin and cytoxan, thenfour treatments of taxol. i have heard the taxol is a lot easier on the body. i need to find some crystallized ginger root.....

until next time, love you all.
again i apologize for no caps, my phone wont let me do much except type and periods.....love u.

1 Chemo Tx down, 7 more to go

I had my first chemotherapy treatment yesterday. We got to the CCOM center at 830 for blood work. My port-a-cath was accessed for the first time. This was quite scarey. I have accessed plenty of ports and everyone has winced. I didn't wince. It went in slick as _____.

I then had a meeting with Dr. Sinclair. We had a few questions and she had some answers. Last week, I had to have Echocardiogram at EMMC. This was used to check heart function. The two meds I am using right know are harsh on the heart. I will have a repeat echo in about 2-4 months.

I was taken to the infusion waiting room and it was like a living room, couches, rocking chairs, plain chairs, tons of magazines, puzzles, small mini kitchen for me and Troy. Pepsi, Dt. Pepsi, Gingerale.

I didn't start the actual premeds for the chemotherapy until about 11 am. The Adriamycin was pushed pretty quickly then the cytoxan started and takes an hour for the infusion. We were finally done around 150pm. It takes about 3 hours to do whole infusions.

No real side effects with meds at time of infusion. I did fall asleep halfway through the cytoxan infusion. My reiki master had suggested that she saw my healing angel Raphael engulf me with his beautiful wings. I did not dream about anything. Woke up with the pump went off. Visualizing pacman chomping down the cancer cells. We left about 2 pm. Everyone is very nice there.

 This is the Recliner Chair that I sat in for my treatment. The blankets came from a warmer. I wore shorts, believe me I won't wear shorts again. My legs stuck to the chair. Didn't feel very good.

My port worked nicely. No problems with infusion. Troy was with me and quite bored. He will be bringing his laptop next time.

Thank you honey for being by my side!!! I love you.

Monday night, pretty much the only symptoms I had was a headache, but that can be a reason of caffiene withdrawal. Hadn't drank much Dt. Pepsi. The other symptom was red urine from the adriamycin. It was red when she pushed it through my port!!!!

The cytoxan was a hour drip. I fell asleep halfway through it with. 



I want to thank everyone, My parents, Gene and Sue, my brother and sister-in-law, Adam and Heidi with kids, Anthony, Nathan, and Hannah, my mother-in-law, Gail (Mimi), my aunt, Cindy, all of my friends at work and all my homey friends, My loving husband Troy and my little nurse, Abby.

I want to also thank all my medical teams, Dr. Sinclair and her staff at the CCOM.

Love Jennifer
xoxoxo

Chemo scheduled Tomorrow

Hello, I am writing this little blurb so that at 930 tomorrow morning, I will have prayers being sent to the heavens for me. I will update everyone after my chemotreatment.

Love
Jennifer
:8)

Getting Ready for Chemo

I have 2 days before I receive my first dose of chemotherapy. I will be given Adriamycin and Cytoxan for every 2 weeks for 4 rounds, then Taxol for every 2 weeks for 4 rounds. We are looking at 4 months of Chemotherapy. I then will go back to surgery for more lymph node removal.

I am quite nervous about how the chemotherapy is going to affect me. I am going to meditate and call on my archangels, Raphael, Gabriel, Michael and Uriel to help protect me and also my guardian angel, Meredith. I am going to call all these angels to stand by me during my therapy. they will help protect me and hopefully help decrease the side effects of chemo.

I am continuing Reiki. This is a nice meditation and relaxation exercise. I love my Reiki practitioner. I am learning lots from her. Hopefully, I will be able to become Reiki 2 and practice it on my family. It is really relaxing. Meditation. I see beautiful colors while I am relaxed. Pink and Purple. These are healing colors. I were my rose quartz everyday. I will be adding some amethyst as well to my healing necklace. Amethyst is a healing stone, it carries vibrations. Rose quartz is a love stone. It also contains vibrations for the owner.

Tomorrow, I will be going to church for the first time in about 10 yrs. My family and I will be going to Deeper Life Assembly in Pittsfield. Mathew Bagley is the pastor, (no relation). If we like it, we may go  a couple times a month. They have a little daycare area for toddlers that can't sit through a sermon.

In the afternoon, we will be going over to Lynn Snowe"s house for bbq and poolside. She has a nice inground pool. abby loves to jump off the diving board. I have Zach swimming too. He has one of those flotation swimming trunks, one piece. He swims like a fish. he is going to be a water baby!!! Not afraid to go under water, he holds his breath well. Spits out water if it gets in.....Better swimmer than me. haha.

Monday is the big day. I have labs drawn at 8:40, see Dr. Sinclair at 9:00 and  start chemo at 9:30. I need to eat more carbs and less protein the day before, or I have read that you get more sick. I will try it.

Rose Quartz Rough Stone

Amethyst Stone

Flowers from my Healing Garden



Abby Swimming in Our Pool



Abby under water



Mr Frog in my Healing Garden!

 These are a few pictures I took last week. I will let everyone know how I am feeling on Monday.

Love you all
Jennifer

Another Surgery

My Porta Cath is in. The right side of my chest hurts really bad. Dr. Huang placed the port this am along with another Duvol Drain in the left side of my chest.

Thanks for all prayers and thoughts.

I want to thank my husband, Troy, my daughter Abby, my parents, Gene and Sue, my aunt Cindy and my mother-in-law, Mimi. I love you all. You all have been my pillar of strength.

I thank Abby for being my little nurse. I thank my parents for their support throughout this tough time. I thank Cindy for being my "eccentric" aunt and keeping my spirits up. (I love you, Cindy). I thank Gail for also being a great support and watching Abby. (Abby loves to spend the night with you!) Last but not least, I thank you Troy for being my husband and friend. Without you, I wouldn't be able to function and get through this. We are a team. (It's a tie! NO ONE IS LOSING).

I am a SURVIVOR.

Love
Jennifer

PS: Abby is a great little nurse, she will follow in my footsteps. lol

Mini Getaway

This past weekend, my aunt Cindy asked me, Abby and my Mother to go with her to Moosehead Lake. We went to a cabin that was "rustic." We only had electricity by generator a few hours during the day. It was just the 4 of us. We had fun. My aunt Cindy, whom I visited a lot growing up, came up with this great idea. For me to get away for 24 hours before I get my Port and start Chemo. It was fun. I will add some pictures of the cabin and the fire. I guess Girl Scouts comes in handy at this point.

We had one bottle of wine, which was really good. I don't remember the name. Abby had Sparking Grape to drink. We played go fish mostly all night. We watched the sunset go down behind the mountains. Took over 100 pictures of Moosehead and ducks. We met the owner's daughter and husband with their children. Sara was 4 yrs old and was really cute. She helped Abby feed the ducks saturday am.

Abby loved feeding the ducks. They practically ate out of her hands. I will also add pictures of her as well. It was a great 24 hours. I did cry a few times. Once in the water holding Abby and while we were cooking the chicken on the grill. One fell into the fire but it was "saved!" We ate very badly. Tons of snacks. We slept on top of the king sized bunk bed. I have never seen a bed like this. Unfortunately, I didn't take a picture of the king sized bunk bed.

Tomorrow, I get my porta cath inserted and maybe a drain. I still have a lot of swelling in my chest. Echocardiogram due on Thursday. Lafayette on Monday to see Dr. Sinclair and start chemo with Adriamycin and Cytoxan. I am a bit scared about side effects.

I have had a Reiki treatment the other day. This greatly reduces my anxiety. I had a great treatment. My archangel is Rapheal, and my guardian angel is Meredith. She passed away about 18 years ago or so. I have always felt her presence around me. She had leukemia. My mom had 8 brothers and sisters. Cindy is the youngest of the bunch, my mom next and Meredith, then Judy was the oldest girl. (Meredith and Judy are both in heaven).

                                          My Mother in the Cabin Door

                                                               Me taking a Pic of Myself!

                                             Momma Duck          

                                                         THE MOOSE IS LOOSE!

                                         Beautiful Sunset!

                                         Baby Duck Almost Eating Out of Abby's Hand!


I will update everyone with the news of the porta cath working.

Until next time.
Love
Jennifer

MRI

i had my mri today. it went better than epected, it was nt too close to my face. another waiting game.

hopefully, get my port put in mon, start chemo in on week with dr sinclair..... she is off th coming week. everything should get down while she is away.

thank you all for the many prayers, blessings and thoughts they really mean a lot

love jennifer
archangel raphael
guardian angel meredith
hear my prayer, please watch ove me and my friend laura. we need all the loving and healing prayers we can get, amen

Refreshed

i am feeling pretty well today. slept a lot better last night and feel a bit refreshed today. i am keeping a written journal as well as this blog. i need a new one, journal that is. i am also going to pick up a bible today too. i want to read it and feel its calming effect. i have not been very religious but with this diagnosis, i feel closer to god. my family and i are going to church on sunday. deeper life assembly in pittsfield, matthew bagley  no relation  is the pastor. so if we like the church we will stay with deeper life assembly. abby would love to go to sunday school.......they have a little child care for little kids.... i am really happy aboutt this.

i have to apologize for no capitalization, writing this blog from my android, it wont let me do caps, extra punctuation, or any symbols.

i am getting ready to go to bangor for mri, going to borders first then i dont know, mri is at one thirty. need to get groceries. payday today. this is my last paycheck so the next couple of weeks we will be living off troys pay. i make three times what he does. it will be hard, i dont have short term disability.

send prayers and thoughts of angels to me and laura. i will be going to see her tomorrow with my daughter. laura loved abby. i will have abby draw an angel for laura. i will also get a healing stone for her. and i am making a pillow for her to squeeze when she wakes up and needs to cough. please also pray for lauras fmily, jim and melissa, they have been at her bedside since the beginning. thank you.

i love you all. thank you....

jenn

xoxoxo

Update on Oncology Appointment

Good News!! My bone scan was negative. This is really good news, this means that the cancer has not spread to my bones. I had the bone scan and the CT scan yesterday. My chest CT and pelvic CT were both negative. There was a small spot on my liver, but I have had history of having a fatty tumor on my liver 5 years ago with a gallbladder US.

I have to have an MRI tomorrow with contrast to rule out the liver spot. As long as it is still just a fatty spot, I get the porta cath and then Echocardiogram. Tentatively, I am scheduled to start Chemotherapy July 25!

Dr. Sinclair stated that the breast specialist from Dana Farber agreed with our plan. Chemotherapy, then resection of  more lymph nodes, then radiation. This specialist agreed that my tumor was a very fast and aggressive tumor.

This is all very good news. I have a much lighter heart then I did yesterday. I cried all the way home from Lafayette Cancer Center. I was worried that the cancer had spread to my bone. IT IS NEGATIVE!!!!


Again, when you send a prayer my way, please send a prayer to Laura Morgan as well. She was extubated today. Moving around a little bit, still pretty out of it though. All the prayers and angels are helping. Hoping she will wake up soon.

                                                         Archangel Michael

                                                                Archangel Gabriel

                                                                Archangel Raphael


Till my next blog, take care. The angels are watching over us.
Love
Jennifer

The Oncology Consultation

Today was my oncology consultation. Dr. Sinclair at Lafayette Cancer Center in Brewer, Maine. I was asked to be in a study for women with breast cancer age 19 to 42 with a certain type of cancer. Of course, I said yes. It is a study about breast cancer and exercise. There is  a study out that correlates exercise with decreased reoccurrence of breast cancer.

Dr. Sinclair then came in and introduced herself. She seemed very nice. She sat down at the computer and started to explain all the lab findings, obtained my history, and performed a physical exam of breasts and lymph nodes.

The Pathology Report: a little different than how Dr. Huang explained it. It was not a tumor that was 11cm wide. It was in fact 10 separate tumors measuring 11 cm wide with extensive lymph node involvement. The sentinel node was fully encapsulated by the tumor. There are only 2 good things about my cancer/tumor. The margins of the main tumor were clear and the cancer is 90% Estrogen Receptor with 50% Progesterone Receptor. This is good, if I am put into premature menopause, then the cancer can't grow as fast because it needs estrogen to grow.

I was suppose to have a porta cath placed tomorrow but Dr. Sinclair wants to wait. I had to have a bone scan and CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis to rule out metastisis. If the cancer has gone to other places or to bone, then no IV chemotherapy only Tamoxifen. If the cancer has not gone into body or bone, then we will start chemotherapy on Monday. Porta cath will be placed this Thursday or Friday.

On Wednesday, my oncologist is going to the tumor board at EMMC. All disciplines will be there (surgeons, oncologists, nurses, even a Breast specialist from Dana Farber Institute). I think this is awesome, Dana Farber is sending up one of their breast cancer specialists to review cancers and my case. Dr. Sinclair stated that she fought to get my case added to their review. I think this is good news. She stated that this is a very aggressive cancer and that we need to treat it aggressively.

She ordered at CT and Bone Scan today, those were done at EMMC today. The contrast that I had to drink was nasty. Gastrograffin yucky with raspberry crystal light. But drank it down. Hopefully, Dr. Sinclair should contact me by noon tomorrow with plan. Kinda nervous.

While I was waiting for the nuclear med to go through my body, I went to visit a very sick friend. Laura Morgan who was in that really bad car accident in Hartland. She is still not awake, she is being kept on a fentanyl drip. I told her that I was going to write about her on my blog and that I want everyone that reads this to pray for her and send her thoughts of angels. She needs all the prayers that she can get. She has broken both her ankles, tibias, multiple bruises and partially severed her bowels and has an open wound in her belly. Please in the next few weeks, when you think of me please think of Laura too, please. She needs prayers as much as I do. She delivered food to me right after my mastectomy. She is my angel and I am hers. Laura is in my prayers and sending her love. Thank you all.

I will write when I get a more definitive course of treatment, hopefully by noontime tomorrow.

Love
Jennifer
XOXOXO

Pathology Report

I called the doctor's office today, because I had not heard anything yet. Dr. Huang had said probably Thursday or Friday. I called Thursday and Friday and no report yet. I spoke with his nurse today and said that she would track down the pathology report.

Within 5 minutes, Dr. Huang called me. He had taken 2 lymph nodes and stated that the cancer cells had spread to them both. The whole breast was removed and it had a tumor greater than 5 cm.

Stage 3 Breast Cancer.

This is not want I wanted to hear. He said the only good news was that the tumor had clear margins, and he got all of it. Though the cancer cells spread to the nodes. I will probably have to go back for more lymph node removal. Dr. Huang was going to put a referral in today for Lafayette Cancer Center in Bangor/Brewer. I will need chemotherapy and radiation. I won't know exactly the treatment until I meet with my team at Lafayette.

I am really scared! But I guess, one day at a time.

I meet with Dr. Huang on Thursday in the am. Hopefully, he will pull the 2 drains that are in my chest. They really hurt the most.

Until the next post, DO YOUR BREAST EXAMS. 

Love
Jennifer
XOXOXO

SERENITY PRAYER

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr In loving memory of



Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html



LOVE

JENNIFER

Recovery

Today is July 1st, 2011. Can you believe that this year is half over? Wow, where has the time gone?

My family keeps telling me to slow down. You're doing too much. 

I can't sit still for more than 20 minutes. I can't shower. My hair is greasy. But, I am still alive. I guess going a week or so without a shower isn't so bad. Sponge bathing is for the birds. Can't wait to take a long hot shower. 

My drains are still draining, average of 2 and 1/2 oz a day. If they still are draining that much by Thursday next week, the drains are staying in. :8(

One thing about these drains is that when you move or stretch, they hurt. I was trying to get off the toilet this morning and it brought tears to my eyes. Abby heard me cry and came into the bathroom. She asked me what was wrong. When the tubes move, it feels like a hot searing tearing sensation in my chest. It hurts. I cried and cried and cried. This is really the first time that I have really cried since I have been home. I felt frustrated. I hadn't taken any pain medication and felt so much burning in my chest. It only happens when I move just right. Pain is bad. 

My husband won't let me do anything. I tried to get Abby some supper and he told me to go sit down. He tells me he is going to get a sling for my left arm, so that I won't use it, I told him he's nuts. I am not using my left arm for anything, it hurts to reach with it. The muscles are sore. 

My chest looks really funny. The left side is quite flat, but the doctor left some extra skin so just in case I plan to have reconstructive surgery, there will be enough skin. I have to say, it doesn't look bad at all. (you know the women body builders that are flat chested? their pectoral muscles are so muscular, they don't have boobs.) This is what my left chest looks like, I feel. I might get the right side reduced to make it look the same. haha. Gotta laugh. Anyway, it doesn't look bad. I have gone out in public without a fake boob in the camisole. I don't really care what other people think. I am proud of my body no matter what it looks like. 

My husband was a "boob" man. He looks at me as though nothing has really happened. He has changed. It doesn't matter what is on the outside, only the inside. We love each other and I think this has really made our love stronger. 

On face book, Troy said something like, He has had a bit of a hard time adjusting and that I have been the "rock" of the family. I retorted back that he is the "earth" under that rock. If it wasn't for Troy, I would not be as positive as I need to be. I had a Reiki session and attunement prior to surgery and Troy didn't laugh at me when I told him about Reiki. Reiki is a practice of love and relaxation. 

Reiki really helped me concentrate on what I needed to do to be ready for surgery and recovery. I am going to take the second attunement so that I can treat others and then become a Master next summer so that I can teach its healing powers. 

• Purple is the color of good judgment. It is the color  of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. Purple is a good color to use in meditation.

• Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, as well as royalty. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color.
• http://crystal-cure.com/purple.html 

• A Swan symbolizes grace and beauty on many levels. It is associated with love, music, and poetry. In Roman mythology Swan was sacred to Venus, the goddess of love. In Greek tradition, this bird was often pictured singing to a lyre
• http://www.rainbowcrystal.com/power/poweranimals/swan.html

MY SWAN OF HOPE!

                                                 

SWANS MATE FOR LIFE, FRIENDSHIP

PLEASE, IF YOU ARE READING THIS BLOG, YOU OR YOUR LOVED ONE IS AT RISK FOR BREAST CANCER. MEN AND WOMEN CAN HAVE IT. PLEASE PERFORM SELF BREAST EXAMS ONCE A MONTH AND AT AGE 40, WOMEN SHOULD HAVE THEIR FIRST MAMMOGRAM. IF YOUR MOTHER HAS HAD BREAST CANCER THEN YOU ARE AT HIGHER RISK OF BREAST CANCER. 

I HAVE ONE FAMILY MEMBER THAT HAD BREAST CANCER AND SHE IS ON MY DAD'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY, SHE HAS BEEN CANCER FREE FOR OVER 10 YEARS. IT IS CRUCIAL IF THE MATERNAL SIDE OF YOUR FAMILY HAS HAD BREAST CANCER.

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/detection/mammograms

Well, it is late, I am signing off. Until next time, I hope some of you reading this blog will do a self breast exam.

Love

Jenn